How much is too much?
How much is not enough?
One of my gripes with liberal feminists is that they try to ‘get through to men’ using anger. As far as our species goes, you’d have to say that men are better versed in mastering their anger.
It’s basically the only emotion that we teach each other how to regulate.
For women, if she’s angry in public she’s immediately labeled ‘a crazy bitch’ for her misplaced anger. And feminists can have that one.
It’s a social construct. But not necessarily (yet possibly) imposed by men.
People in general prefer lack-of-confrontation. There was a youtube video of two ‘white trash’ women fighting in WalMart and one of their kids is kicking the other woman in the head while she’s on the ground.
The videographer and several people are talking about the whole thing at a very safe distance and justifying that they shouldn’t intervene.
This is the nature of violence and confrontation.
I would say that those people exercised ‘not enough’ concern for their fellow citizens, for their own safety.
But I have regularly intervened in situations that are none of my business. It’s not a question for me to get my ass kicked protecting innocent people.
And as a cop once said to me, it could actually be the death of me.
Whether it’s feminists demanding respect from the wrong men, or political activists, or racism/religious slander, the angry might bark the loudest but how receptive are people to anger?
Think of your close relationships, how well did your partner take criticism at a raised volume? Do you EVER remember a lover saying: “Oh. Yep I’ll have to take that on board and make the appropriate changes.”
Does a child respond to rage with co-operation ? Or do they distance themselves realizing you’ve lost your shit and you’re actually no good to them until you calm down.
So how do we channel our anger appropriately?
And how much is the appropriate amount for what situation?
In sparring, I really struggled to spar like a gentleman. Coming from a background of brawling and fighting for status and reputation, it was difficult to ‘fight’ someone who I had no passionate hatred for, often someone I’d just met and was trying to make friends with.
It was hard, it was confusing.
I gradually learned that there was an art to hitting swiftly yet softly, with structure rather than power.
The same applies to grappling, to throwing. Structure and technique, over passionate wildness. Not to say that malevolence doesn’t have it’s place.
There’s a special love reserved for the sparring partners that we actually dislike.
To this day, I only have two modes of fighting.
- Pretend Fighting, playful, not really trying kindness.
- Destroy, with all of your might.
I go from naught to a hundred or I don’t step on the gas at all.
I’m still not sure if there’s a middle ground. Perhaps this is something I will always wonder.
In this respect, how much is too much and how much is not enough?
When rolling playfully are you teaching your training partner unrealistic levels of pressure, or are they getting to practice refining their technique and optimizing their positioning?
When destroying someone in battle are you actually teaching them a lesson?
Do they go home and consider why the fight started?
I don’t know because I always fight with the moral high-ground. Any seasoned bouncer or street-scum will tell you, these things are often over before they happen. The guy who’s getting ‘the lesson’ knows he did the wrong thing on some level so he contracts more times than he expands. The aggressor keeps expanding because he feels that it is his duty, his honour and his self-respect carrying him.
I’m quick to apologise if I’ve upset somebody (whether I agree or not) because if someone has their feelings triggered it’s actually their fucking parents fault for some childhood trauma and it’s just as easy to release them as it is to deny your responsibility to your fellow human, with far less consequence to innocent bystanders.
I’ve often felt screwed over by this humility in showing submission, but I really feel that in life, you have to pick your battles.
If you’re aware of the concept of ‘triggers’ you’re more accountable.
If you’re just acting on your programming, it’s like a child throwing a tantrum. Dangerous but misguided.
I’ve always known people are blaming you for their pain in those moments. It’s hard to back down, but it’s the right thing to do.
They will call you many names. You are none of these things.
And don’t ever tell them it’s their parent’s fault.
Especially if they’re already triggered, why would you keep pushing buttons.
Which brings me back to arguing with your lover.
I once screamed the shit through a girl because she’d lied to me about going to a party and I’d gone and stayed at my mum’s house because I didn’t wanna be waiting for her. In the morning she admitted, her ex had stayed over the night, in our bed, so could I not hurry home just yet, they weren’t ready.
I screamed and yelled at her that day and she broke up with me.
I was like “WTF? You cheated on ME? Yet you’re breaking up with ME?”
She goes, “Well what’s the point, you’re a fucking asshole?”
Two wrongs don’t make a right.
I never yelled at a woman ever again after that day.
It’s not their language. They don’t know the emotion as well as men do.
Just like we don’t know ANY of the other ones.
Nowadays if a girl screws me over I’ll very calmly be like: ‘Ah… can I have a word. That thing you did? That’s not on.”
And they’ll regress to being a naughty child being told off by an adult and the message will STICK, because I’m not throwing a tantrum like a two year old.
And this still works with other men too, I’m just saying there’s no point yelling at your woman, if all you’re clinging too is fighting and makeup sex, maybe there’s not enough there to begin with.
You should cut your losses and find someone else to have an adult relationship with. It’s really not that hard.
This goes for your friends too. If they’re causing you more hurt than they inspire you to be the best you can be… FUCK ‘em. Are you really so shallow you can’t go out and make new friends?
You’d rather be treated like shit by people you co-incidentally got enrolled into high-school with?
Is this the appropriate level of anger with which to express my disapproval?