Another young man, the 4th guy from my neighbourhood, recently, took his own life.
All of those guys, people loved them. Nobody saw it coming.
There was a huge disconnect.
Guys aren’t sharing what’s going on.
They’re not seeking support, because they “just can’t”, it gets too much for them when they can’t process their own feelings.
A lot has changed for women politically and economically in that past 50 years.
Women can pretty much do anything they put their mind to these days.
But women have always kicked our ass at Emotional Intelligence.
The ability to articulate and understand the emotions that WE ARE ALL stuck with.
Heading through evolution with men unable to process their feelings and being scared to ask for help, we may reach this Misandrous ideal of ‘a world with no men in it’ by OUR OWN HAND.
Look, not all feminists are dicks. #notallfeminists
We just rarely hear from the nice ones.
And it’s fucking hard to be a feminist these days because they’ve won most of the war. Half the time they’re just being dicks to each other.
They’re shitty because they’re sick of walking away from arguments that didn’t go anywhere, because the people that taught them the Dogma –a mixture of facts and opinions- didn’t tell them HOW TO ARGUE those things with men, or how to understand men properly.
In fact, the lesbian feminist icons had absolutely NO INTENTION of understanding men, let alone figuring out how to communicate effectively with men.
Nobody is against women’s rights, or pro-racism, or pro-pedophilia.
But hating is part of the problem.
Hating each other is part of the reason people feel disconnected.
Hating is part of the way that young men see no option.
Shame is commonly why people kill themselves in prison.
When a young guy is suffering and feels like he can’t approach his brothers for support, it’s not just about “being a pussy” …but that shit don’t help.
It’s not-knowing where to begin.
As men we mightn’t know the difference between fear and anxiety, we might not see the subtle difference between depression and sadness. You try talk about these things and dudes deflect it because they can’t process it themselves:
You stop trying.
The difference between sympathy and empathy is being willing to do the work with them. But you can’t help them out of the hole if you don’t know the way out yourself.
We have to start rewarding emotional intelligence in men, because it’s literally killing us. The man-haters are winning.
Dominance ain’t what it used to be.
We avoid ‘dominant people’ because they’re just annoying, bossy, selfish, ‘narcissistic’.
When two guys are beefing it’s just like “Good luck with that fellas!”
You don’t really give a shit who comes off strong.
Unless they PHYSICALLY sort it out: One guy is standing over the other (and half the time one guy slips and the other guy gets lucky) and even then it’s just like “Ok, HE won… Oi Don’t kick him in the head, he might die you dickhead.”
Status ain’t what it used to be.
We’re not fighting for a pecking order anymore, there’s a bunch of laws and bureaucracy around everything that stops people from just taking things.
The system is designed for the weak.
Participation awards. Hug banning.
You can’t make jokes about jack shit and everything is offensive.
Consent is more important than whether both parties enjoy it or not.
I’ma just leave that hanging there.
If I can translate some other feminist jargon: Their beef with man-splaining and space-entitlement, is that they feel LESS-entitled than it appears that men are.
Women are told by their mothers ‘Not to make waves’ to try and find a round-about way. Men are taught to take the bull by the horns.
To face and fight.
It’s not their fault that they feel that way, but it’s not ours.
We’re bigger, we’re stronger, we fight more. We confront more.
But the reason that EX-plaining (what’s it called when a woman does it?) pisses them off is because they feel less-entitled to crap on and hope someone finds it interesting.
Funny, don’t they do that all the time?!
If I can come back to space-entitlement, a man’s need to be territorial, to take up room, to have his patch of land to eat and shit: is now a huge subject of offense. Women see it as us taking what is not ours.
When really, we’re territorial out of fear.
We bark when people encroach on our boundaries, come near our loved ones.
Spatial awareness isn’t biologically built into them in the way that it makes sense to us, which is why WE have to make them feel comfortable in OUR space.
If you’re being spatially dominant and there’s nowhere for a girl to sit, be a fucking gentleman, face the possible rejection (and learn how to process it gracefully!) But at least it’s on your terms.
You don’t have to let anyone into your personal space.
And that’s part of the entitlement issue, they see it as us just claiming stuff around us and then if they’re in our space we’re just gonna claim their bodies as well.
But you and I know it’s not like that.
Men are more afraid of rejection than they feel entitled.
Every shred of creepiness or neediness comes from our biological need to attract, weighed against the crippling sting of rejection.
The guys who are good with women, are just okay with rejection. They know how to stomach it, shit it out. So they don’t come off as creepy because they’re not afraid, they don’t project that fear.
It makes girls feel safe. And it distinguishes you from all creeps ;D
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A problem we men have with 3rd wave feminism is “rape culture” as a term.
They started using ‘Rape’ to ‘add weight’ to things, which we know is absolutely the wrong way to get a guy to listen to you. We need it light and detailed and if the wording is wrong, the whole concept is messy.
Women often just mean-what-they-say, but don’t exactly say what-they-mean in the grammatically correct, sentence structure that we appreciate.
When they say “rape culture” they mean, a bunch of beer drinking guys in a sweaty locker room talking about fucking girls in the ass and not wanting to listen to their personal feelings.
The words ‘misogeny’ and ‘patriarchy’ just weren’t doing shit anymore.
When they use the word rape haphazardly and water it down to mean groping or whistling, what they mean is ‘unwanted sex’.
Now this is a powerful point.
You can still consent to ‘unwanted sex’.
Prostitution is built on paying for something she doesn’t really want to participate in, thus charging a fee.
“Unwanted sex” can be decided during, or after sex too. A woman could think she wants to fuck you and then it’s kind of gross or swiftly resolved (invest in sexual skills too my friends). The next day she tells her friend that it was a bit fucked and the friend projects a bunch of sexual-insecurity onto her and then the guy gets accused of rape.
There was an instance where a guy was wrongfully accused –later acquitted- but his mother died thinking he was a rapist.
Before we approach we should always look for the body language and the cues that a woman will send to signal you to advance.
Make no mistake, they are there.
If you can’t handle rejection, practice. Get rejected.
Stomach it, get back on the horse. Enjoy yourself intentionally getting rejected.
“Unwanted sex” is something we need to focus on. If you’re not really into a girl but she’s gagging for it, do YOU really want the sex?
You’ll probably plod through some awkward un-intimate shit and both feel dirty and she might call you a fucking rapist because she didn’t enjoy it.
Go home, get on Pornhub.
The girls are hotter and they do whatever you want, don’t waste your time on a girl who you’re not into. It might bite you in the ass.
If a girl doesn’t really want to have sex with you but she’s consenting because her friend told her she should hook up with you, or she’s trying to get over her ex or whatever, if the VIBE is not there, don’t fucking do it.
Your mum might die thinking you’re a rapist.
Porn is free and you don’t get a bunch of angry text messages because she thought it was going somewhere… You shouldn’t have slept with her dude.
While we’re on the subject of porn, consider: watching the more realistic kinds. Porn-for-women is huge now and embodies the things that actually arouse them. Pay attention.
Female masturbation stuff will make you better at getting a woman off. It’s about timing and it’s about being in tune with her level of arousal. And if you have trouble keeping your load in, you need to watch YOUR level of arousal and stop if you need to. Stay in the game!
You can invest into learning how to attract women, how to perform sexually. These things will alleviate anxiety and fear of rejection.
But the main thing that will keep you out of jail and get you a partner that actually loves having sex with you is that you keep improving yourself.
Hot girls like Hot guys. Exercise every fucking day.
Keep saving, keep investing. How much do you REALLY enjoy pissing your money away at the bar with your mates from 10 years ago.
And work on your emotions.
Sit with them uncomfortably and be brave. Name them.
Why does it feel like that. Where does it feel like that.
What happened the other times it felt like that.
Oh, that’s THAT emotion. Well, you win some you lose some!
By owning our emotions we can stop killing ourselves and be there for a guy who is on the brink.
“Anxiety? Yeah sure. That old chestnut… I had same problem.”
I’ve stood toe-to-toe with tough men.
We’ve all, got ALL OF the emotions.
It takes a brave man to face himself, to feel, to admit.
To sit with his feelings and not try to make them go away.
And when you stand against a tough dude and you’re braver than him, because he is more terrified of his own feelings… He can feel you.